LAUNCHING ON PUMP.FUN · SOLANA ◎

SHLOOONG CAT

The higher the market cap goes,
the bigger the shlong gets.

Science. Probably. Keep scrolling, it gets bigger.

CA COMING SOON
🚀 Buy on pump.fun 📈 Chart
NSFW**not really NO JEETS
ALLOWED 📏 TAP ME
▼ MEASURE THE SHLONG ▼

// 01 — THE MECHANISM

SHLONG-O-METER

Market cap in. Length out. $1K of market cap = 1 cm of shlong. The math is simple. The shlong is not.

shlong-o-meter.exe
MARKET CAP$6.9K
SHLONG LENGTH6.9 cm
TIERMicro Shlong
LONGER THAN—
CENSORED
> shlong-o-meter booted. awaiting buys...

// 02 — THE LAUNCH

BORN ON PUMP.FUN

No presale. No private rounds. No VCs. Everyone buys on the same bonding curve — and every single buy makes it longer.

BONDING CURVE PROGRESS 0%
ON THE CURVE

SIMULATED — follows the Shlong-O-Meter above. Graduation at ≈ $48.7K market cap → liquidity migrates to PumpSwap.

  1. 01

    Fair launch

    $SHLONG is created on pump.fun. 1B supply, no presale, no insider round. The shlong starts small. Very small.

  2. 02

    Ride the curve

    Every buy pushes the price up the bonding curve. Price up → market cap up → shlong out. That's the whole whitepaper.

  3. 03

    Graduation 🎓

    Once the curve fills, liquidity moves to PumpSwap and the chart goes live on DexScreener. The shlong goes public.

🚀 Buy on pump.fun

// 03 — GROWTH STAGES

SHLONG TIERS

Every milestone unlocks a new level of girth. Unlocked tiers light up.

// 04 — GET SHLONGED

HOW TO BUY

  1. 01

    Get Phantom

    Download Phantom or Solflare from the official site / app store. Write down your seed phrase. Tell no one. Not even the cat.

  2. 02

    Load up SOL

    Buy SOL on an exchange and send it to your wallet. SOL is the fuel. The shlong runs on it.

  3. 03

    Open pump.fun

    Hit BUY ON PUMP.FUN — it takes you straight to the $SHLONG page. Connect your wallet and double-check the CA.

  4. 04

    Buy & grow

    Enter your SOL amount and hit buy. Every buy pushes the bonding curve — and the shlong — further. Never sell to a jeet.

// 05 — THE PLAN

ROADMAP

A growth chart, literally.

PHASE 1

Birth of the Shlong

  • Fair launch on pump.fun
  • X community live
  • Shlong-O-Meter goes live
  • Meme factory online

PHASE 2

Puberty

  • Bonding curve complete 🎓
  • Graduation to PumpSwap
  • DexScreener trending
  • Raid army deployed

PHASE 3

Growth Spurt

  • Community meme contests
  • Influencer measuring contest
  • Merch (censored)
  • 10,000+ holders

PHASE 4

SHLONGULARITY

  • $1B market cap
  • 10 km of shlong
  • Visible from the ISS
  • Cat retires to Bahamas

// 06 — QUESTIONS

FREQUENTLY ASKED SHLONGSTIONS

Is it really… you know… a shlong?

It's censored. What's behind the pixels stays between you, the cat and the blockchain.

Why does it get bigger?

Because you bought. Every buy adds length, every jeet sell causes shrinkage. It's cold out there, be kind.

Where do I buy?

$SHLONG launches on pump.fun — but you can trade it on any Solana terminal. Pick your weapon. Always check the CA against the one shown on this site.

Can I see it uncensored?

No. This is a classy establishment.

Wen Binance?

When the shlong physically reaches Binance HQ. We're working on it. Roughly 10 km to go.

Is this financial advice?

No. It's a cat.

SIZE MATTERS.
JOIN THE SHLONG.

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